Editorial Reviews. Review. "Don't lie to David Lieberman." -- The New York Times , interview YOU CAN READ ANYONE - Kindle edition by David J. Lieberman. Download it once and read it on your Kindle device, PC, phones or tablets. Have you ever wished you could peer into someone's mind to find out what he or she is really thinking? This book contains specific, proven psychological techniques that can be applied instantly to any person in just about any situation. You Can Read Anyone show step-by-step exactly. David j lieberman () you can read anyone. 1. • r L; 2. This book is flOt a collection of recycled ideas about body language It contains.
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You Can Read Anyone shows step-by-step exactly how to tell what someone is thinking You can read anyone: never be fooled, lied to, or. Download PDF: You Can Read Anyone by David J. Lieberman. You Can Read Anyone: Never Be Fooled, Lied To, or Taken Advantage of Again Â· Rating. with the psychological principles, you'll see that you can use the techniques to be . think of someone so you can get anyone to like you. Keep in mind, too, that .. In this study by Harold Kelley (), students who read the description of an.
It's come to my attention that someone in the sales department has been takinghome office supplies for personal use. Do you have any idea how we can put a stop to this? If she asks questions and seemsinterested in the topic of conversation, he can be reasonably sure she is not steal- ing, but if she becomes very uneasy and seeks to change the subject, then it's likely that she's guilty. The manager will notice an immediate shift in her demeanor and attitude.
For detailed signs of anxiety and insecurity, please see Chapter 3. If she is innocent, she's likely to offer her advice and be pleased he sought out her opinion.
If guilty,she'll become noticeably uncomfortable and probably will assure him that she would never do anything like stealing. No reason exists for her to bring herself into the picture unless, of course, she is the one who feels guilty.
Another wayto apply the technique is to simply wonder aloud how someone could do a particular thing what you think the other is doing and gauge the person's response.
Let's see how wondering aloud works: To find out,she can ponder aloud, "Isn't it interesting that people can use drugs and think that others don't know? Someone who's not engaged in the actions she mentions is likely to join in the conversation willingly, while some- one who is involved in the behavior will move to shift the topic of conversation.
This technique can also be applied by actually asking the other person for his advice. She might say, "Dr. Smith, I'd like to get your advice on something. A colleague of mine at another hospital has a problem with one of her doctors. She feels he may be drinking while on call. Do you have any suggestions on how she can best approach this doctor? If he isn't drinking on duty, then he will be pleased you sought his advice and will offer it willingly and happily.
Technique 2: Paging Dr. Bombay If you think someone knows someone or somethingspe- cific, the "Paging Dr. Bombay" technique can be used to help find the truth.
The technique works on a psychological princi- ple: Simply, if a person has never heard of Fred, Peter or Marvin, his interest in them will be equal. Conversely, his attention will naturally be drawn to what he is most familiar with. If he knows Marvin but not the other two, he'll pay more attention when Marvin's name ismentioned,in contrast to the other names.
This technique presents the person with evenly available options. If his interest moves unevenly in one direction, it's likely that he has an awareness of certain information that he has not revealed to you. Here's how it works: He suspectsJimmy has already met with "Mr. Black," the owner of a compet- ingcompany.
Therefore, the managersimply sitsJimmy down and casu- ally puts three folders on the desk labeled "Mr. Green," "Mr. Blue," and "Mr.
Black,his gaze will at first fix longer on Mr. Black'sfilethan on the otherfiles. Then he may try to avert his focus from the file wherebyhis atten- tion will appear mechanicaland uneven. Another wayto apply the technique is by merely talking about die situation and listening for his focus. First, state allthe facts as you both know them to be. Then, switch oneof them. If his attention goes to the switched fact, then you know conclu- sively that he is aware of the situation itself.
For example, let's saya detective is interviewing a suspect about a robbery. He reads from the report, telling his suspect exacdy what happened, but switches a key point about the facts of the crime.
If the suspect is guilty, his attention will instinctively go to the keypoint. What he hears surprises him. He wants to be sure he heard you right, and he will use the "inconsistency" as a reason why he could not have committed die crime.
The only way he would know to focus on one "fact" would be if he committed the crime. If he's innocent, dien all of the crime's details are unknown to him, so he's incapable of separating them into "true" or "false" categories. Let's see what this dialogue sounds like in action: My car doesn't have a scratch on it. It couldn't have been my car! Technique 3: What Do You Think?
The key to this technique is to not accuse, but inform. Your subject's response will tell you if he's hiding anything. The sequence explores a person's frame of mind when he is presented with new information. For example, Pauline visits her doctor for a routine physi- cal. When her doctor gets the blood test results back, he calls to inform her she has contracted the herpes virus.
Thinking back over her recent sexual partners, she's convinced that Mike or Howie must have given her the disease. Merelyasking her two "suspects" if they knowingly gave her herpes would most likely prove futile, as denial by both would be likely. Here is what she does: After hearing the news, the two men respond as follows: I didn't give it to you! I'm clean. How long have you had it? You might have given it to me! I can't believe this. Are you sure?
If you guessed Mike, you're right. On hearing that Pauline has an incur- able, easily transmittable disease, he goes on the defen- sive, assuming he is being accused of infecting her with herpes. He is unconcerned about his own health because he already knows he is infected. All he wants is to con- vince Pauline that he's not guilty. Howie, in contrast, assumes the call is to inform him she might have infected him.
Thus, he gets angrybecauseheis concerned about his health. Simply, a person wrongly accused will be more likely to go on the offensive, while the guilty party usually assumes a defen- sive posture.
Here's another example: A customer brings a non-working printer back for an exchange, claiming he bought it a few days ago. He has the all-important receipt, and the printer is packed neatlyin the original box. Upon inspecting the contents, you find a necessary, expensive, and easily removable component of the machine missing—a clear indication of why the machine is not functioning properly.
Here are two possible responses you might get after informing the customer of your discovery: Response 1: That's how it waswhen I bought it. You sold me aprinter that has amiss- ing part. I wasted two hours trying to get the thing to work! The person who gives Response 2 has every right to be annoyed, and goes on the offensive. It never crosses his mind that he's being accused of anything. The person who gives Response 1knows he never tried to get the printer to work, because he took the part out.
It does not occur to him to become angry. He automatically assumes he's being accused of removing the part and becomes defen- sive when informed the part is missing. Technique 4: Dodge or Declare When using this technique, the object is to attach your sus- picion to something you know is true about aperson but com- pletely unrelated. If he tries to hide or deny the truth about what you know for sure, you have the answer to your suspi- cion.
However, if he freely acknowledges the existence of your claim but denies the relationship, then your suspicion is likely untrue. Let's take a look: He already knows Elaine always chews gum after her meals; a likely unrelated and certainly benign activity. Therefore, he would say some- thing such as, "I was reading a study that alcoholics tend to chew gum after meals. You see, she will have no reason to deviate from her usual behavior unless it shows her in an unflattering light.
Moreover, she has no reason to doubt the veracity of Henry's research statement. She is probably thinking, "Yikes, that's just what I do. Of course, she may not chew the gum to avoid her date assuming otherwise even if she does not drink excessively.
But the odds are she won't deny herself an enjoyable routine and give up a chance to refute his "study" merely to avoid presenting a wrong appearance. Technique 5: Fear of Folly When stakes are high, "Fear of Folly" is a great technique to determine what someone's hiding, regardless of how good an "actor" he may be.
To apply the psychology of the tech- nique, you inform your subject he and another person—a confederate working with you—are both "suspects," and you "attach" an unwelcome quality to the person who is guilty.
If interaction with the other person causes him concern, it'slikely that he's innocent.
We know one of you is guilty, and blood found at the scene tells us the perpetrator has hepatitis C. He knows the odier guy must be responsible.
However, if he's guilty, he has no reason to be concerned about this person having hepatitis. He assumes he has hepatitis because he already knows he's guilty.
You can also use this technique in groups by merely attaching your marker to the suspicion and not the suspect. Subse- quendy, the suspect will show himself. The rest of you will get a promotion for enduring this investigation. If he is excited or inquires about the salary and bene- fits of the new job, then he's probably innocent. Otherwise, sitting silently demonstrates a strong sign he was behind the "break-in. Technique 6: How Would You Do It? This technique works under the premise that a guilty person will do whatever he can to give the impression of inno- cence.
Byasking outright how your suspect would do the very thing that you accuse him of, you gain a great insight into his thinking. The psychological assumption is this: Embezzling would be easy for him because there are no real checks-and-balances. While he denies stealing money, she has her suspicions. Therefore, in a light, carefree moment, she says: The right answer would be to do it the easy way—by taking money from petty funds. However, since he doesn't want her to know he has thought of petty funds, he comes up with a roundabout way of stealing.
In one village, the people always tell lies, and in the other village, the people always tell the truth. The traveler needs to conduct business in the village where everyone always tells the truth. A man from one of the villages is standing in the middle of the fork, but there is no indication of which village he resides in.
The traveler approaches the man and asks him just one question. From the man's answer, he knows which road to follow.
What did the traveler ask? Remember, he needs to go to the truth-tellers. If the man is telling the truth, he will direct him in the right direction. If the man is telling a lie, he will direct him in the right direction. Either way, he knows which way to go. An alternative solution is to ask, "What would the other person tell me to do? Have you ever been in ameeting with someone but found yourself unable to determine what's going through her head?
Has someone you know had an unusual experience but won't tell you what she thinks about it? When you explain a new strategy to a co-worker, he barely says aword. What is he thinking?
This chapter will teach you how, in similar situations, to quickly and discreetly discover what a person is really think- ing, sometimes without saying a single word.
Technique 1: The Ghost Image When you write a message down on anote pad and tear off the sheet, have you ever noticed what happens?
Usually, the message is still legible on the paper underneath. The indenta- tion of the pen causes the message to remain even after you remove the top sheet. The process is analogous to our tech- nique, because all of our experiences leave an impression on things around us and can create a conditioned response. Let's explain: Do you remember the lessons learned by Russian scientist Pavlov? In short, the dogs he worked with salivated when he walked into the room.
The dogs had learned Pavlov's appear- ance meant they would be fed soon and therefore associated Pavlov with food, even without the presence of food.
The example is referred to as a conditioned reflex, and we have many examples in our own lives. L I E B E R M A N For instance, maybe the smell of cut grass brings back fond memories of your childhood; or, anytime you meet someone with a certain name you have unpleasant feelings towards them because of a former experience with aperson of the same name.
Memories are anchors. An anchor is an association or link between a specific set of feelings or emotional state and some unique stimulus: By associating the current situation with aneutral stimulus, a person's true feelings attach themselves to the stimulus.
In a classic study, Gerald Gorn paired one pen color with pleasant music and another pen color with unpleasant music. The two pen colors, blue and beige, are used in the experiment with similar positions.
Gorn split the subjects of the experiment into separate groups and showed them both the blue pen and the beige pen paired with "pleasant" music in this case, the Grease soundtrack , or "unpleasant" music in this case, classical Indian music. At the end of the experiment, the subjects were told they could keep one of the pens as a gift. Another study, illustrating the same conditioning phe- nomenon was conducted at the University of Warsaw Lewicki, During the study, students were interviewed by a researcher and then asked to state their name and "birth order.
An astounding 80percent vi the subjectswho had been scoffed at chose the researcher who did not resemble the "birth order" interviewer. Alternatively, about 45 percent of the subjects receiving the neutral response chose the look-alike. With this technique, we apply the same psychological pro- cess by pairing the situation with a neutral stimulus and merely observing his "feelings" toward the stimulus.
If he becomes more attracted to it, you know he has a favorable impression of what was previously unknown. Conversely, if he displays an unusual dislike for it, you know unpleasant feelings are transplanted from the original source.
After extensive negotiations, you are having trouble reading both of them. On the desk are several blue pens. After the meeting, you ask both parties to individually sign several, preferably unrelated documents—eliminat- ing the possibilityof individualpreference or unnecessary consistency—over the course of a few minutes. The par- ties give the pen back to you each time. Each time you ask them to sign, you offer a choice between black and blue pens.
Assuming the pens are equally desirable,the party consis- tently choosing the black pen probably has a negative association with the blue pen and unfavorable feelings about the previous discussion.
The psychological strategycan be used with a variety of paired associations,giving you a strong statistical edge in fishing out a person's preferences. You are both seated in blue chairs. Afterwards, he is takento a new room with around table and four chairs: If he has a favorable impressionof the talk, statistically speaking,he is more likely to choose the blue chair over the gray one.
Anytime the person is "attracted" to the stimulus present during the situation in question, we assume his impression was positive. In contrast, when a person is repelled by a previ- ous neutral stimulus, we assume he has an unfavorable impression. Before we continue with more techniques, let's look at a couple of highly reliable signs to a person's true thinking: Signal I: First Impressions Dr.
Paul Ekman, psychologist and leading lie-detection expert, points out a clue to true feelings in the form of micro-facial expressions—emotional responses reflecting a person's true feelings. The expressions flash across a person's face too quickly for most to see, and the person quickly adjusts his expression to give off the desired impression Ekman, You need not worry about videotaping the scenario.
While you may not be able to detect the initial emotional response, the fact that a new one appears is evidence of a mask for his true feelings. Whatever impression he is exhibit- ing now, if his expression took a while in coming or changed from something else, then assume it is not genuine. Ekman points out most people are not aware of micro-expressions, since they appear before they can be morphed and probably before the person experiencing the emotion is even aware of the emotion.
Signal 2: The Unconscious Spills The use of pronouns can reveal a fascinating insight into someone's true thoughts and feelings.
The use of the personal pronoun "we" involves a psychological closeness not typical in a crime Adams, Her story is peppered with the word we: Many applications of this psychology exist.
For instance, when a person is confident and believes in what he is saying, he is more likely to use the pronoun "I," "we," or "us.
If she says, "It's nice," or "You did a good job," she does not take ownership of her sentence and may not believe in what she is saying. It is important to remember that all signs must be exam- ined within the context of the situation, and we should avoid a definitive conclusion based upon isolated signals. If the distance is greater than the spac- ing between other words, we assume there is an unconscious attempt, by the writer, to distance himself from the state- ment.
Additionally, if the pronoun is smaller or lighter less pressure , then there is reason to believe the writer is con- flicted or outright does not believe firmly in what he is writing. AllThe World Is a Reflection It is often said that a person looks at the world as a reflec- tion of himself.
If he sees the world as a corrupt place, he feels at some level—albeit probably unconsciously—that he is cor- rupt. If he sees honest working people, that is often how he sees himself.
As the saying goes, "It takes one to know one. Projection is why the con artist is the first one to accuse another of cheating. If you are constantly being questioned about your motives or activities, the accusations should set off alarm bells in your mind. How often do we hear of a jealous boyfriend constantly accusing his girlfriend of cheating on him, only to have her find out he is guilty of everything he has been accusing her of doing? The methodology is applied in the followingway: If you ask someone if he is an honest person, he may simply lie and say "yes.
A window into his soul, though? Not exactly. Transparency is obviously a concern—you want to make sure he will not know what you are really asking.
Therefore, we use the transitive property to draw out his true feelings without arousing suspicion. In mathematics, the transitive property of equality is illustrated by: Of course, simply asking outright is not a mind-reading technique, nor can you be assured of accuracy. Therefore, we use the following system to more specifi- cally pinpoint his feelings without running the risk of trans- parency or anomaly. Using correlated information—one or two steps removed from the original question—you can pen- etrate his real attitude without him thinking he is giving away his true feelings.
The secondary correlated statis- tic is: The question asked is, "Do you think taking advantage of your spouse is simply part of marriage? Naturally, coming up with the right correlations is essential. There is no hard-and-fastformula—it is not foolproof, but it does bend the odds in your favor. Some correlations are statis- ticallyoriented, while others are simply common sense.
Let's see another example: If he cannot ask direcdy or wor- ries he cannot be sure of a truthful answerif he does ask, he uses a correlated fact: Now, he simplyasks the juror if she is for or againstgun control. If he believes the question is still too transparent,he can further corre- late it with a question such as, "Do you think gun manu- facturers should be held responsible for misuse or abuse of their products?
Thus, the technique gives you a greater insight into the person's true thinking and, combined with other techniques in this section, can help you to know what is really going on his head.
For instance, one interesting test shows the effects of varioussubstances on the human body. If a person holds his arm in front of his body, he will resist another person pushing his arm down. However, once the person places a small sample of an unhealthy substance,like refined sugar, in his hand, the abil- ity for his arm to maintainthe samelevels of strength is often significantly diminished.
Language Lessons Language powerfully impacts how we perceive and, conse- quently, feel about what we hear. Good salespeople know they should suggest to a customer "Okay the paperwork" instead of "Sign the contract. For example, the military understands the influence of words on attitude and behavior. People are more comfortable hearing about a military action than a war, even though the terms mean the same thing.
We would rather hear about col- lateral damage than civilian property and lives being acciden- tally destroyed. Casualties are easier to swallow than deaths, and friendly fire is preferred over hearing we shot at our own forces. In everyday life, we do the same thing: Indeed, we would rather tell our insurance com- pany of the "fender-bender" than use the word "collision.
In a subtle way, sometimes even unconsciously, the language a person uses reveals if he is concerned you will not like, accept, or believe the news. Of course, a person's style of communication, among other variables, must be taken into consideration.
However, absent any other information and in conjunction with one or two other techniques in this section, you will gain a much greater insight into the situation. Usually, aperson will directly say what he means, unless he has a reason to deviate. Let's examine another scenario: If she had said dated, as was the case, Fred could assume not much is going on.
Her decision to use a euphemism means she believes Fred would not takekindlyto her whereabouts or she is not revealing the larger picture. Positive Markers In the previous chapter, we spoke about using negative markers remember gum chewing and alcoholism? Here, we use positive markers to detect whether a person has a favorable or unfa- vorable impression about something. Therefore, he may say, "I'd be really excited about working for a firm that has a pas- sion for pro-bono work instead of treating it as an obliga- tion.
If the other person elaborates on the firm's commitment to pro-bono work and puts forth his own personal com- mitment, there is agood chance the firm is veryinterested in Ryan. However, if he goes right by the point or offers a light agreement, theyare lesslikelyto be interestedin him: To make the technique work, the marker should be some- thing subjective, allowing the person the option of attaching himself to the marker, or ignoring it.
Is the poker player sitting across the table from you confi- dent or scared? Is your date really as sure of himself as he wants you to believe? Is the opposing lawyerashappy with his case as he professes? Use these techniques to find out if your opponent is feeling good about his chances or just putting up a good front. To better understand confidence, we must first clear up a misnomer.
Self-esteemis often confused with confidence, but the two are quite different. The distinction is very important. Confidence is how effective a person feels within a specific area or situation, while self-esteem is defined by how much a person "likes" himself and how worthy he feels of receiving good things in life. Simply, a person can feel good about him- self yet not feel positive about his chances under certain cir- cumstances, and vice-versa. For instance, an attractive woman may feel confident she can find a date in the bar, but finding a date has nothing to do with how she feels about herself overall.
Likewise,a man who has high self-esteem may be a lousy chess player, but he "likes" himself. He will exhibit signs of deteriorated confi- dence when playing with a superior player, yet his self-worth remains unaffected.
A person's confidence in a particular situation is based on a variety of factors: As well, self-esteem can affect confi- dence.
Studies show the greater someone's self-esteem, the more inclined he is to feel comfortable and confident in a new situation. A person placing agreat degree of importance on confident feelings i.
Nevertheless, a person's feelings of self-worth are affected more by what he does free-willbehavior and not what he is or what assets are at his disposal. Therefore, what we may perceive as self-esteem is really an inflated ego. Self-esteem and confidence are distinct psychological forces, and both impact the overall psyche differently. While it's interesting to note the source and impact, the origin does not bear any consideration in terms of evaluation.
Whether or not the person is confident is the only thing we need to assess here. Where and how it came about is not necessary to our evaluation. So, let's return to our immediate discussion and see precisely how to gauge someone's level of confidence. Have you ever met someone at a partyand forgottenhis name right after you are introduced? Look at distraction and the inability to pay attention to what isgoing on as signs of temporaryinsecurity.
Gauging Confidence Levels Now, we'll examine what a confident person looks and sounds like, so we can readily determine who is and isn't secure. Depending on the situation, we can rely on one or more signs, signals, and techniques. The real secret to reading someone's confidence level lies not in observation but in filtering out the signs intended to give the impression of confidence. We will cover readily known signs of confidence: But because signs of confidence are easyto fake, we'll turn our dis- cussion to more complex factors that are easy to observe and nearly impossible to manufacture.
Sign I: The Physical In instances of extreme fear, when a person is quite uncom- fortable, you will notice one of two distinct behaviors: The familiar "deer-in-the-headlights" reaction is a prime example. Let's look at some other involun- tary responses a person has little or no control over: The Fight-or-Flight Syndrome: A person's face may become flushed, or turn white, with extreme fear. Look for signs of rapid breathing and increased perspiration. Addition- ally, take note if he is trying to control his breathing to calm himself.
Efforts to remain calm will appear as deep, audible inhaling and exhaling. Trembling orshaking in voice orbody: Hidden handsmay tremble. If he's hiding his hands, it might be an attempt to hide uncontrollable shaking. His voice may crack and seem inconsistent. When we lack confidence in a situ- ation, our mind tries to get its bearings,and we often cannot see beyondface value.
For instance, we will often havetrou- ble processingsarcasm, because it requiresa non-logicalper- spective, and this shift in thinking takes time.
Difficulty swallowing: Swallowing becomes difficult, so look for a hard swallow. Television or movie actors, who wish to express fear or sadness, often use this behavior—hence the expression "all choked up.
Anxiety causes mucus to form in the throat. A public speaker who is nervous often clears his throat before speaking. Vocal changes: Vocal chords, like all muscles, tighten when a person is stressed, producing a higher sound, octave, or pitch. The "Blinker": When people are nervous, their blink rate increases. The normal blink rate for someone on television is blinks per minute.
Bob Dole averaged blinks per minute and 3 blinks per second. His highest rate of blinks occurred when askedif the country was better off now than it was four years ago. Clinton averaged 99 blinks per minute and peaked at , when he was questioned about the increase of teen drug use.
Professor Tecce pointed out that in the five elections prior to , the candidate with the higher blink rate during the debates lost the election. Sign 2: Determining Focus Imagine an athlete, musician, or artist who is in "the zone" and flawless in his performance.
He isnot focusedon himself, his looks, or his performance. A basketball player, for instance, shoots the ball with the intention of making a basket. All potential distractions are drowned out. He merely has the intention and he carries it out without attention to himself. He is not self-aware or self-conscious. If he becomes self-con- scious, he is hyper-aware—distracted from what he's doing—and his attention and focus are divided between him- self, his surroundings, and others.
A confident person is able to focus on the objective, and the "I" disappears. A nervous person has an ego consuming his thoughts because of fear, worry, and anxiety, and he can't help but focus on himself. He's literally self-aware of every- thing he says and does.
What were once unconscious actions, such as where his hands are or how he is sitting, become part of a heightened state of awareness. Thus, his actions appear more awkward. Whether in a meeting, on a date, or in an interrogation, when reaching for an object a person feeling in control of the situation may do so without paying attention to his hand or the object.
The insecure person does not feel able to do this because he is unsure of himself; his eyes will likely follow his own movements.
Let's further examine the psychological mechanics involved. There are four stages to someone's actions: L I E B E R M A N person is aware of what he needs to do, but awareness is needed in order to be effective; unconscious competence is when a person can perform correctly and as necessary without his full, or even partial, attention. An analogy of someone who learns to drive a stick shift effectively illustrates the four levels. What is at first com- pletely foreign eventually moves to a skill level at which the driver shifts gears without consciously focusing on what he is doing.
The second, third, and fourth levels give us insight into a person's competency and confidence levels. The first level is irrelevant, as the person is not even aware of what he is doing, let alone confident at it. She watches her hand extendto the drink. Then, she watches her hand asit moves up to her lips. Your co-worker is nervous and unsure of herself and does not "trust" her ability to do what she has done hundreds of thousands of times before—take a drink—without payingattention. Whatis usually a matterof unconscious competence movesdown to conscious competence—a heightened level of awareness.
If you know what to look for, confidence or the lack thereof is easy to spot. Simply observe whether or not the person is focused on himself and what he is doing.
Let's consider another example: If he considers himself to be attractiveand a good catch,his focus will be on what the women in the bar look like. If he considers himself to be unattractive, he will be more concernedwith how he appears to them. In other words, his focus shifts depending upon his level of confidence. A lack of confi- dence forces one to become self-consciousor self-aware. So not only will his demeanorbe stiff and mechanical,but his objective is geared towards the impression he is making on others.
We know this to be true in our own lives. For example, when a person has confidence in his words, he is more con- cerned that you understand him and less interested in how he appears to you.
When you're interested in making a point,you want to make sure the other person understands you, but when you're less confident, your focus is internal—on how you sound and appear. You are conscious of your every word and movement.
Perception-management When a person is nervous but tries to appear otherwise, this leads to what is called perception-management—a per- son's attempt to present a certain image in order to convey the "right" effect. We discussed what to look for to tell if a person is confident or insecure.
Now, we are looking for something else. We can look for signs of someone trying to appear confi- dent. We know a person pretending to be confident is not.
Even if he tries to fool you bynot giving himself away with the previous signals, you will catch him here, as you learn what a "bluffing" person looks and sounds like. Sign 1: Overcompensation A person engaging in perception-management generally over- compensates.
If you look for it, it is glaringly obvious. Remember, the confident person is not interested in how he is coming across. He is unconcerned with his image, unlike his perception-management counterpart, who is consumed by others' impressions of him.
Does he have the cards or simply guts? When bluffing in a poker hand, he wants to show he is not timid. He might put in his moneyquickly. But, if he does have a good hand, what might he do? He will deliberatea bit, putting it in slowly, showinghe is not really sureabouthis hand.
When people pretend to be confident, in a poker hand or in the real world, they manipulate how confident they appear by trying to create the opposite impression of how they truly feel. Again, while bluffing and trying to appear confident, a player bets quickly. And when he has a good hand, he will actually wait a moment or two, pretending he's thinking about what to do.
The principle applies in almost every situation. If he reacts too quickly and assuredly, he is trying to show confidence, when in many cases, he really isn't confident. In contrast, a confident person does not need to tell people he is confident. Someone pretending to be sure of himself, or anything else, will make gestures consistent with the attitude, often going a little overboard.
S N A P S H O T L a w enforcement professionals know that a person who is lying and so lacking confidence will often show deliberative, pen- sive displays, such as stroking or tapping his chin. He will act as though he is giving serious thought to even the sim- plest of questions—in an attempt to appear as if he is trying very hard to be helpful.
Another indication of overcompensating with perception- management is when the person unnecessarily tries to regain the psychological advantage. He might respond with something such as, "I'm tired too. I wasn't going to stay anyway. However, if he merely says, "Okay, you must be tired," or something to that effect, he is not trying to manage his perception by offering an explanation as to why he doesn't mind. It has been said, the easiest people to sell are those who have a sign saying, "No salesman or solicitors.
SuperfluousGestures Any superfluous gesture in a serious situation is a sign that someone is trying to act calm and confident. For instance,law enforcement professionals know that a subject may yawn as if to show he is relaxed, calm, or even bored.
If the person is sit- ting, he may slouch or stretch his arms, covering more terri- tory asif to demonstrate comfort. Or, the subject may bebusy picking off lint, trying to show he is preoccupied with some- thing trivial and clearly not worried. The husband tells the detective the girl may alreadybe dead. Shortly thereafter,he is handed a cup of coffee. If he responds with something such as, "Thank you so much, I need this after adaylike today," he is engaging in perception-management and trying to convey he is polite, considerate, and well-mannered Another example of superfluous behavior is trying to look the part.
When a person alters his appearance to come across one way and there is no reason for it, he does not really feel what he is portraying. When the sales agent meets her client, he is dressed in a suit and tie, on his cell phone, and in the middle of an "important" call. He has no money. By producing fear, we can alter people's behavior.
When caught in fear, we regress step by step to ever more infantile and animalistic drives. Therefore, look for physical manifestations—anything from oral fixa- tion, such as chewing on a pen,to egocentric influenceslike increased anger, jealousy,resentment, envy, and so on.
Squeezing Signs When we lack confidence and threat levels increase, signs of insecurity become more visible. Studies conclude that when we are around people we think are better-looking than we are,we tend to feel less confident about our appearance and ourselves. The concept is true, even if we did not feel insecure in the first place. You see, by introducing a potential threat, we can more easily gauge how comfortable a person really is with himself and the situation.
Look for a shift in mood—if he becomes angry, rude, inconsiderate, or exhibits general signs of anxiety or nervousness, then he wants out of the situation. Either he is innocent or he is guilty but knows he has got an airtight alibi. When the detective informs the suspect a witness is coming down to the station to see if he fits the description, the suspect may appear relieved if he isconfi- dent in his chances, or irritated and agitated if he is not.
He does not want to riskgetting you mad, fearingit may provoke you into calling his bet. Therefore, if you do some- thing that normally annoys him and he remains seemingly unbothered, or uncharacteristically quiet, you can be fairly sure he is not so confident about his chances. I was with him and he was never wrong I even learned how to do it and that's saying something.
In fact, Dr. Lieberman has gone head-to-head on live television, with skilled polygraph examiners and scored just as well every time. You Can Read Anyone show step-by-step exactly how to tell what someone is thinking and feeling in real-life situations.
For example, you will see precisely how to determine whether another poker player will stay in or fold, whether a salesperson is trustworthy, or whether or not a first date is going your way or the other way. And when the stakes are high negotiations, interrogations, questions of abuse, theft, or fraud - knowing who is out for you, and who is out to get you or a loved one can save you time, money, energy, and heartache. Business Self-Improvement Nonfiction. Publication Details Publisher: Gildan Media Corp Edition: Unabridged Publication Date: Your Coach In a Box.
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